• Benedikt Sebastian

The Weekly Update — 005

Updated: Dec 2, 2020


  1. A New Jersey school board member resigned after she left her Zoom on while going to the bathroom in a public meeting attended by 150 people. It appears she was trying to flush her career down the toilet

  2. A BA stewardess is selling sex between flights and even offers clients on-board experience. Come on, everyone deserves an opportunity at the mile-high-club.

  3. Dead mink infected with a mutated form of COVID-19 are rising from their graves. Because, you know… 2020

  4. They finally revealed Baby Yoda’s real name: Grogu. Critics hate it it. What’s wrong with a name that sounds like you’re throwing up?

  5. The Mystery monolith in the Utah desert, disappeared. So have Kevin Spacey, Chris D’Elia and the Taco Bell’s Waffle Taco.

  6. Hillsong Church urges people to donate a tenth of income to church — even if they are struggling financially. Supposedly the $100 million the church collected lasted year was not enough for God. Apparently it takes a lot of money to make the world a better place.

  7. The UK Government asked Netflix to make it clear that the series “The Crown” is fictional. Because basically… People these days believe everything they see on TV.

  8. A mysterious object is hurtling towards earth, and scientists don’t know what it is. In other words, the universe is also sick of earth and 2020.

  9. Scientists accidentally discover Australian marsupials glow in the dark. Moments later they also discovered rave music and tiger balm.

  10. An Austrian village with the name “Fucking” will change their name to “Fugging.” I know what you’re thinking… Are they Fugging serious?

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